美文: 勇敢正视丑陋的伤疤 就会绽放专属于你的美

43 Beautiful in My Own Skin

我的肌肤，我美丽

(By Tahlia Brookins)

(塔莉亚·布鲁金斯)

My scars were a part of me - the part I always tried to hide.

我的伤疤是我的一部分，我总是试图隐藏的那部分。

Hey, Tahlia!

“嘿，塔利亚！”

I had just taken a bite of my hot dog when I heard a familiar voice yelling at me from across the crowded school courtyard. I looked up and saw a group of popular girls. They were all laughing.

我才刚咬了一口热狗，就听到一声熟悉的叫嚷从拥挤的学校操场那边传来。我抬头寻声望去，看见一群在学校里颇受欢迎的女孩正冲我大笑。

How's the model? The same voice called. More laughter.

“模特的事儿怎么样啦？”方才喊我的那个女孩问道。这引来了更多的笑声。

Yeah, Tahlia, another girl shouted, "what kind of modeling are you going to do? An ad for the Frankenstein movie?"

“是呀，塔利亚，”另一个女孩大声说，“你准备当什么类型的模特呀？是电影《科学怪人》的广告模特么？”

How could they humiliate me like this, in front of the entire high school?

她们怎么可以这样，怎么可以当着全校师生的面如此羞辱我呢？

As I blinked back the tears, my best friend Jackie stood up and yelled back. "Like you guys are any better! I don't see any of you on the cover of Vogue!"

就在我极力将眼泪挤回眼眶时，我的挚友杰姬站了出来，冲她们吼道：“你们这些家伙能好到哪里去！也没见你们中有谁登上过《时尚》杂志的封面！”

My friend Jesse turned his back to the mean girls. "Don't listen to them," he told me. "They're just jealous of you."

我的朋友杰西转过身，背对着那些尖酸刻薄的女孩们。“别听她们的，”他对我说，“她们只是嫉妒你而已。”

My stomach twisted into a tight knot . As I got up from the picnic table and headed inside to the cafeteria, I glanced at the thick, dark scars outlining my right hand.

我的胃紧紧地揪成一团。就在我起身离开野餐桌，走进自助餐厅的那一刻，我瞥了一眼右手边上那一大片厚重的暗色疤痕。

When I was only 9 months old, my mother had been brewing tea in an electric pot. She placed me in my walker and stepped just outside the kitchen to talk to my father. In those few seconds, I rolled over to the counter, yanked on the cord, and dumped boiling tea all over my hands, stomach, and legs. My parents rushed me to the hospital, praying it wasn't too serious. But I had second- and third-degree burns over 26 percent of my body. Ten percent can be deadly. I had to have several painful skin graft operations, where surgeons took healthy skin from my buttocks and thighs and put it over my burned areas. For an entire month, my mom sat by my bedside, praying I'd survive.

那是我刚九个月大的一天，妈妈正用电水壶煮茶。她把我放在学步车里，在厨房外面和爸爸说话。就在那几秒钟的时间里，我滑到了橱柜前，猛地一拉电线，整壶沸水全都泼在我的手上、肚子上和腿上。爸爸妈妈赶紧把我送到医院，祈祷烫伤不会太严重。然而，我全身26%被确诊为二度和三度烫伤，而10%就已经足以致命。我不得不接受几次痛苦的皮肤移植手术，将臀部和大腿上的健康皮肤移植到烫伤部位。整整一个月，妈妈都坐在我的床边，祈祷我能熬过这一关。

I did survive. But anytime I had a growth spurt , I'd outgrow the grafted skin and have to have surgery again. Over the next 13 years, I had 13 surgeries. I was in so much pain! But I learned to handle it. I'd take an aspirin , rest, or find something else to do that would take my mind off it. What hurt me most were the cruel things people said about how I looked.

我活了下来。但是，每当我进入快速生长期时，移植的皮肤就跟不上身体的生长速度了，我不得不再做手术。之后的13年里，我经历了13次手术。我陷入了极度的痛苦之中！但我学会了应对。我会吃一片阿司匹林，卧床休息，或者做点别的事情来转移注意力。但最令我伤心的还是人们在议论我的外表时说的那些残忍的话语。

Like that day at lunch. The girls were being super mean to me because they heard I was considering doing some modeling. My friend, who is a psychologist at the burn center, had suggested it. "Tahlia, you are so beautiful," Dr. Rimmer had told me. "Don't let your scars limit you!" Her idea really got me thinking. It would be such a rush to walk down the runway in glamorous clothes, or pose for the beautiful photos in a magazine. Why should I be afraid to let people see my scars? I could still be considered beautiful.

就像那天午餐的时候。那些女孩因为听说了我正在考虑当模特的事情，所以对我极尽尖酸刻薄之能事。而去当模特是我的朋友——烫伤中心的一位心理学家的建议。“塔利亚，你这么漂亮，你的发展！”她的提议的确引发了我的思考。穿着迷人的衣服走在T型台上，或者摆个姿势给杂志拍漂亮的照片，那会是多么让人激动的事情啊！为什么我要害怕让其他人看见我的疤痕呢？大家还是会觉得我很美的。

But after that scene at school, I was sure I'd made a huge mistake. When I got home, I ran to my room and covered my mirror with a blanket. I didn't want to risk catching even a glimpse of my scarred-up self. Then I fell on my bed and sobbed. Dr. Rimmer isn't a modeling agent. What does she know? What was I thinking?

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但发生了学校里的那一幕之后，我确信自己犯了个天大的错误。回到家里，我冲进房间，用毛毯蒙住镜子。我甚至连瞥一眼疤痕累累的自己都不敢。我倒在床上开始抽泣。里梅医生又不是模特经纪人。她知道什么？我到底都在想些什么啊？

As I lay there, a rush of images flooded over me. Like the time when I was 10 and wore a bikini to the public pool. As I came out of the dressing room a girl stared at my scars, and said, "Ewwww! You should cover yourself up!" And the time when I tried out for volleyball in seventh grade - wearing jeans and turtleneck .

我躺在那儿，脑海里涌现出无数的画面。十岁那年，我穿了件比基尼泳衣去公共泳池游泳。从更衣室出来的时候，一个女孩盯着我的疤痕说：“呃！你真该把自己裹得严实点儿！”我还想起七年级时，我去参加排球队员选拔——穿着牛仔裤和高领毛衣。

The next day, I forced myself to go to school. But I hung out in the cafeteria at lunch instead of going outside, to avoid any confrontation with those girls. My two best friends, Jackie and Jesse, sat with me and tried to give me a pep talk. "You really are pretty, you know," Jackie told me. "Don't worry what other people say."

第二天，我强迫自己去上学。但午餐时，我就泡在自助餐厅里，不再出去，避免跟那些女孩有任何冲突。我最好的两个朋友杰姬和杰西跟我坐在一起，试图对我说些鼓励的话。“知道吗，你真的很漂亮，”杰姬对我说，“别担心旁人说什么。”

Jesse, though, felt like enough was enough. "You can't hide forever, Tahlia," he told me. "You've got to face your fears. So what if you have a few scars? Just go outside and show them that you're just as good as they are."

杰西却觉得不能再忍了。“你不能永远躲躲藏藏，塔利亚，”他说，“你要面对自己的恐惧。就算你有些疤痕，那又怎么样？走出去，让她们看看你不比她们差。”

Although I knew he was right, I couldn't imagine standing up for myself like that. I'd spent so many years covering up and distancing myself from people.

我知道他是对的，但我却无法想象自己像他说的那样勇敢地面对这一切。这些年来，我一直都把自己遮得严严实实，和他人保持着距离。

That night as I sat on my bed, I glanced at the blanket over my mirror. Jesse's words replayed in my mind. "You can't hide forever." I'm even hiding from myself, I thought. How dumb is that? Covering my mirror - that wasn't going to take my scars away. And neither was hiding under layers of clothes.

那天晚上，我坐在床上，扫了一眼镜子上的毛毯。杰西的话在我脑中回响：“你不能永远躲躲藏藏。”我甚至逃避着自己，我想。那样该有多蠢啊？蒙住镜子——那样是抹不掉我身上的疤痕的。即使藏在一层一层厚厚的衣服下也同样抹不掉。

I stood up, walked over to the mirror, and tossed the blanket aside. Looking back at me was a tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed girl. A girl who had a few scars. But I had to admit, she looked just fine.

我站起身，朝镜子走过去，把毛毯拽下来扔到了一边。镜子里的我是一个身材高挑、黑发碧眼的女孩儿，一个有着些许疤痕的女孩 儿。但我必须承认，她看上去还不错。

The next day I wore a comfy T-shirt to school. And at lunch, after I grabbed my burger and fries, I headed over to Jesse and Jackie. "Okay, let's do it," I said. "Outside."

第二天上学，我穿了一件舒适的T恤。午餐时，我拿了汉堡和薯条，朝杰西和杰姬走去。“来吧，咱们吃饭吧。”我说，“去外面吃。”

They both smiled and followed me into the school courtyard. I walked right past the mean girls. They stared at me, but they didn't say anything. I guess they were shocked that I even dared to walk into their territory.

他们都不约而同地笑了，跟我走进学校操场。恰好在经过那些刻薄的女孩身边时，她们紧紧盯着我，但没说一句话。我猜她们是被吓到了，没想到我竟然胆敢走进她们的地盘。

Jackie, Jesse, and I sat at our favorite picnic table, just like always.But this time was different. I felt free. I felt happy.

我和杰姬、杰西在我们最喜欢的野餐桌旁坐下，就像往常一样。但这次却又不一样。我觉得自在。我觉得开心。

Sometimes people still look at me strange. They whisper and stare, but I don't let it get to me. I wear what I'm comfortable in - and that means shorts and T-shirts to play volleyball, and yes, a bikini at the beach. I am now putting together a modeling portfolio , and at least one agency is considering me for jobs. Maybe I'll never end up on the runway or in the pages of Vogue, because modeling is a tough business.

有时候，人们仍然会用一种异样的眼光看着我。他们窃窃私语，目不转睛地盯着我，但我不会因此而影响到自己。我穿着自己觉得舒服的衣服——就是说，打排球时穿短裤和T恤，嗯，是的，去沙滩时穿比基尼泳装。现在，我正在整理一套模特选辑，并且，至少有一家经纪公司正考虑录用我。或许，我最终也不会走上T台或者登上《时尚》杂志，毕竟当模特是一件不太容易的事情。

But I do know one thing: I'm done hiding.

但我却真正懂得了一件事：我再也不会遮遮掩掩。